Destined for Failure or Just Destined?

So who's got two thumbs and is up at 10:38pm doing laundry because the husband is sick and her four year old has far too much resilience? You got it, this Mom.

Actually that's a lie because I gave up on laundry to watch New Girl and blog instead. It was just funny that the last two episodes of the season happen to revolve around my two favorite characters of the show and their budding relationship. It also got me thinking back to the awkward beginnings of my relationship with my best friend who I now have called my husband for 8 years now.

To be honest, I can still remember our mutual coworkers and friends either trying to bring us together or determined to talk us out of it, much like the room mates Schmidt and Winston. Either one side was trying to convince us that things couldn't work out because we were too different from one another. But others said when we were together, they'd never seen two people so comfortable with one another. Was it destined or just destined for failure?


I worked with Brian for 3 years and every time I would get butterflies when he'd pay me some subtle compliment which was either just passive enough to intrigue thoughts of "maybe he likes me" but not too forward to convince me he wasn't just possibly being nice. I also did my fair share of flirting but kept it vague enough so as not to embarrass myself in case the feelings weren't mutual. Plus, I also kinda sorta had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that was always away at work or hanging at a bar but a boyfriend none the less. Even though I thought I was happy with this guy, I always found myself wondering about Brian too.

 Then came the day he told John (our other friend) and myself that he was quitting and joining the Marines. John and I couldn't believe it because not just two months prior we had all talked about becoming roommates. I also really didn't want him to go. He was my best friend, and we talked a lot in and out of work. I kinda felt like I was losing a lot, but we were supportive of him none the less. John and I even planned his last day party to see him off. Brian still had two months before he'd leave for boot camp.

Then one night, life handed me a curve ball I was most definitely not ready to catch. Brian, out of the blue asked me out... At first I wasn't quite understanding his question and thought it was just another invite to hang out with all of our friends, like any other night after work. However, he decided to be blunt and just tell me straight forward, "No, it'd be more of me asking you to go on a date." Needless to say, my heart about dropped out of my chest. No guy, ever, asked me out. Like ever! Not even my boyfriend or the boyfriend before him. And of course, like an idiot, I said..."I can't". *Facepalm*
Now, I know what your saying, I'm an idiot! But. it didn't just end with a "No". I explained that I wanted him to come by work the next day and I would explain why. I figured, if anything, he really deserved a good explanation why I would turn him down, plus he was like my best friend and was going to be leaving for boot camp in a few months. I couldn't just leave him wondering why.

So just as I had asked, he came to meet me at work the next day during my lunch break, and we talked. I had told him my last relationship before Mike (the guy I was seeing at the time) had ended badly. I had started seeing Mike before cutting things off with the other guy completely and it was a horrible experience to hurt someone that way, as well as the backlash I got from him and his friends. It was a four year relationship that completely failed in the last two years and before I could cut it clean I had started to move one without really giving myself time. Now the relationship I had been in with Mike was failing. I don't think I had really admitted it even to myself until that very moment. Brian understood and we still hung out after that day and talked, but then I started really thinking about it. I was 21 and feeling like now I had a chance to maybe take things into a direction that I hadn't though about before.

Fast forward  a week later, I dumped Mike. He didn't argue much or try and stop me. In a one hour face to face talk he didn't even try to convince me that he'd try harder, or be there more, or even tell me how serious he wanted to be. He just wanted to be comfortable and keep things as they were. Well as they were I also saw him once every two or three weeks and the last time we'd gone on a date alone had been months. So that was that. I went to work and tried not to cry during my shift. After I got off I sat in my car and called my friend Chrissy, balling my eyes out. Eventually driving from Glendale all the way to Temple City to cry more at her house. Then she finally convinced me it was OK and I did what was best for me. Now it was my turn to make up my mind.

The next day I was off and I called Brian after a day of crying more and having my brother trying to cheer me up with Clerks and other Silent Bob films.

Brian and I started hanging out more again after that night, which yes did eventually lead to a date. Then another date, and another. After two weeks we were practically together every night, with or without friends, talking even more and more than we had ever talked. It wasn't until his last week was up that the reality started to sink in that he was still leaving.

Then one night he said something to me that forever changed our relationship until this day, he told me, without a shred of doubt that he loved me. It was terrifying and incredible all at the same time. It was also be a moment I will never, ever forget.

The next week he was gone to boot camp.

I waited six months, forty plus some odd letters, three phone calls, and one visit in between for him to final graduate from the Marine Corps boot camp.

Now even after boot camp, we still had challenges. He was stationed up in Northern California for school. So we took turns driving every other weekend and holidays, the six to seven hours to see each other, for almost a year. Six months into school, he asked me to marry him. Let's just say the Corps isn't big on marriage. Even the counselor told us 85% of military marriages fail. We still got married  regardless of the nay saying and the stats they threw at us.

We married after his first year into the Corps. Three years after that we had our first daughter. Two years after our first our second was born. Now we are expecting our first son this September. We even bought a house, adopted three dogs.  We've also done three deployments, with another coming up.

This December will be our 8 year wedding anniversary, and I don't see our relationship ever straying from where it's been. Mostly because we know each other, we care about each other, and we talk just like we talked when we were still just friends.

So destined? Who knows...but it seems pretty good to me.

Nighty night guys and gals, I think I'm gonna go snuggle my poor sick guy and the munchkin is finally passed out. And I apologize if my writing is a little sloppy, it's because I'm too beat to edit this properly.

Help Out! #FitchTheHomeless

So I don't know how many of you guys and gals read the news or Hollywood gossip articles but there was a recent release of Abercrombie & Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries, that has the internet a buzz. And to be honest the buzz is rightfully so, this guy is a douche bag!


Recently his business practices were reviewed by Business Insider and needless to say, this guy has a few screws loose when it comes to treating his employees, let alone his consumers. It was quoted that he "...doesn't want fat people" wearing his clothes. He also refuses to hire unattractive people to sell the A&F brand in stores. Apparently your job rides on the fact of your looks, not performance.

If you think it couldn't be worse, well brace yourself, because it does... the A&F brand refuses to carry XL or XXL sizes for women, not because they don't have a market for them, but because Jeffries believes that women who wear these size are "not attractive".

As a mother of two little girls, I sometimes worry about what life will be like for them as they grow older, especially for my oldest as she heads off to kindergarten this upcoming fall. This will be her first step into the social milestone that is school. And yes, even now we notice parents worrying about how their children are seen in terms of style. But to have some hot headed jerk of a major clothing label (and yes he sells kids clothes too) tell my kids that if they ever have to wear an XL or XXL size, that they can't be beautiful, be prepared for this Mama Bear to start rearranging that already mangled mug. I know many beautiful ladies who aren't Barbie thin but aren't heavy either, who wear these sizes! Hell I've even worn XL sizes because it's more comfortable. And news flash Mr. Jeffries, a recent poll done in GLAMOUR magazine shows women with curves are viewed as hotter than skinny girls to most men! Take that in your judgmental rear end and smoke it...

Now I know it seems like there really is no justice to be served to this narcissistic asshole, but then a couple Facebook friends started sharing a link that made me want to jump on my couch and sing!

If you haven't seen it already, there is a YouTuber named gkarber who filmed this wonderful campaign on how we can give back and send a good message to our dear A&F CEO. This campaign you ask, is called FitchTheHomeless (link below).

Yes, it seems like a joke, but he is actually pretty serious. Not only did he actually go out and donate A&F clothes to the homeless, but it has gotten others to start as well. Many of my fellow FB friends are even now talking about giving to this cause, myself included.

So here is what I am asking of you guys and gals out there. If you happen to own and/or know others that have any A&F brand clothing, please donate them to your local homeless shelter! They really do need the clothing more than we do.  The best way to think about it is you'll be serving more than one cause all at one time. The poor who desperately need clothing will finally get something that wasn't removed from a dumpster and an ungrateful, biased, CEO will have to learn what happens when you try to sell excluding others as "cool".

As for me, I'm going to my local Goodwill and Ross to start looking for those famous "AF" symbols.

So until next time loves,

A Time for Change

You know with all the craziness that life has to bring, apparently I've felt like I somehow made the VIP list. But, I also realize I'm not the only one out there that feels this way. Within these last few months it's been a challenge for me to get on this wonderful web and get those creative juices going. My whole will to write was pretty much down to a trickle.

When I first started the blog, we had just gotten news that my husband would be taking us to Japan with him. This would be one of our very first moves as a complete family. Even better news, we also found out we were having another baby! This would be the first child he would ever get to be here for the whole way through...

...or so we thought until things started happening...

We lost several people in our lives (may they rest in Heaven). Not one, but two of our family members received news that they had cancer, one for the third time now and it was terminal. Our youngest daughter had to go through surgery again, and it was going to be the same drastic procedure she had been through a year ago. Then the worst news of all...our orders were changed. Because the base in Japan did not have the needed healthcare providers that our daughter required for her follow ups, they denied her. Since she is little they couldn't have the family come and they told my husband he would have to ship out alone for a year instead of having his family with him for the full three years. Which also meant he would miss yet another baby as well.

To be honest this was a final nail. As a couple, we have talked about going to Japan together for years, even trying to get orders before we had our second child. He's also been living with the guilt of missing out on our girls for a few years now, and with another child to add to his guilt, I'm sure it's eating him alive.

We fought for 6 months to get the orders changed but the good old military "families come second" rule seemed to beat us every time. Eventually all our loop holes and hook ups ran out. Some even telling us that this wasn't worth the fight, the military is just not the same for families anymore unless you know bigger fish in the tank, so to speak. So, we eventually had to sit down with the kids and have the talk about Dad leaving again. The worst part was watching my husband. He was angry, sad, and mentally defeated. So was I. After 9 years of service, they couldn't even allow us three years to be together as a family.

What else could we do? It was time to adjust, which is one thing the Corps will teach you to do well after so long. I got our daughter enrolled in Kindergarten, we started preparing for the new baby, took our second to her doctor appointments, and started little by little mentally preparing ourselves like we would as if my husband was going on another deployment.

There was a lot going on and things pulling me one way or another. Blogging was slowly becoming a thing I'd just have to postpone to get things done that couldn't wait because we wanted my husband to feel included or had to be done because I just wouldn't be able to get to them without help.

Then the other day my girls were outside, enjoying the California summer heat in spring, when something finally hit me. I needed to sit down, think, refocus, and release all this stress. I don't think it took long before I realized I had already started somewhere that I could do this, THE BLOG!

So I've been researching, contacting, reading, and studying up on what I want to do with, well, this blog. Hopefully within the next month I will have relaunched a new personal blog that better describes me. It will also have more to do with what goes on as I now embark on raising our children and the things we'll be planning on sharing with not just the web but with my husband as he watches us from overseas.

I also really want say thank you to everyone who has already been following and supporting me. I hope what comes in the future will still be something you really like.

So keep an eye out for my new blog name and look, I think it's going to be quite amazing and full of the most important thing of all, LOVE!

Yay or Nay for Mommy Groups?

 

Now when I first became a SAHM  back in 2011, I was thrilled. I'd missed so much being a working Mom and I was ready to take my role on full force. But, I think I also had some delusions about what this major adjustment entailed. Especially socially...

I love my children more than anything, and being active in their lives is one of the best things in this world to me. Plus the benefit of getting the chores done before the weekend, awesome! Even being able to go outside and do things with them was even more fun for me than it was for them in the beginning. 

Not only was I feeling more like a mom, it was the biggest freedom I had ever experienced. I now controlled my own schedule. I wasn't rushing to day care anymore. No more deadlines and drama from work stressing me out and leaving me with minimal family time. No more traffic! And if you live in California, you know what I'm talking about.

However, after about six months or so, I started to get a little...well...lonely. I think even more so after my husband deployed.

My friends, of course, keep in touch. One of my long time girlfriends even lives only 5 minutes from us, but not everyone is always available. 

Going to the park, or on a walk, sometimes is just much more fun when you have someone over the age of 4 to talk to (and not scream at to stay out of everything). It doesn't hurt that the kids have someone around their own age to be friends with as well.

About 3 months ago my beautiful fellow SAHM Arlene came by with her kids and we sat down and talked as we usually do; it's the one honest to God break her and I both get some days. As we got to chatting she mentioned about joining a Mommy Group. I was very intrigued because I'd been debating this very concept for some time now. She told me about all the women she talked to and about some of the drama, something I wasn't surprised to hear. 

The more she described it the more I started to debate. Then she asked me if I'd like to join. Well...now I wasn't sure. 

Now I'm a pretty friendly person but over this past year I have been super self conscious about my social behavior around other Moms. I'm a little awkward, goofy, and sometimes I just don't know how to carry on conversations with total strangers when I get those "funny looks". I also despise drama! I like a simple life and  my family does not need to be brought into someone else's problems. 

Just from my few interactions at the park I have made friends with other Moms but nothing crazy. Just run in's and chit chat but nothing to the point where we are hanging out anywhere else.

I've also had some unpleasant and/or awkward encounters myself with other parents at the park. I've overheard comments and gotten stares because I have tattoos and piercings. Occasionally I also get the"know it all parent" who gets opinionated about the way I interact with my children, especially regarding discipline in public (i.e., time outs, talking to's, or if necessary a quick spank on the butt). 

Sometimes you just never know how people react but, I will not neglect or allow my child to get out of hand in a public area. If that means you don't approve or like how I raise my children, then go bite me. Apparently this just wasn't meant to be in the first place. Its one thing to disagree on parenting but I feel it shouldn't be the end all in any circumstance. Friends are friends, not sheep.

So now it's come down to searching and even debating if I want to just start my own group on Meetup. However, I don't want to exclude myself to a certain crowd. 

Well I guess either way, you have to get your feet wet some way, some how.

Are there any of you out there who are a part of or considered joining a Mom group? Let me know what you've experienced. I'd love to know.

Until next time...

Medical & Insurance Providers Gone Too Far??

Normally in the mornings my husband gives me a good morning kiss and heads out the door. I get up from bed, willing or unwillingly, get ready, get the kids up, fix breakfast, then settle down to check out  the news online. I would watch it on TV but that is impossible with Higgly Town Heros on....

Well a couple days ago I ran across an article through the news that really had me upset. Then today "The Stir" did a segment on the same story...it broke my heart and got me angry all in the same breath all over again.

This horrible event happened to Anna and Alex Nikolayev's 5-month-old baby Sammy. Sammy has a heart murmur, which the parents were seeing specialist for.

One day Sammy started developing flu like symptoms in which his parents decided to take him to their current hospital to be seen. Sammy was admitted, but then when he started receiving treatments, the nurses and doctors started making errors. One such was giving him antibiotics which were not needed.

Now, I'm no nurse, but I do have a child who has a medical condition. It's normal for the medical staff to advise and ask for permission to give your child medication. In this case though, from what the mother describes, the hospital did not allow them these simple, procedural, courtesies.

Then the final straw for these parents were when the physicians began talking about heart surgery on this 5 month old. The mother asked for a second opinion but there was some argument for the doctors.

Well, the mother took things into her own hands and took her son without a complete medical release (mistake made), and went directly to another hospital to get the second opinion.

Now I don't condone not following the procedures, but, I also don't condone doctors pressuring parents into surgery unless there are clinical tests and justification for surgery.

Here's where the story gets even worse...Mom and Dad see the second opinion physician and this doctor does everything by the book. Tests, examines, and finds no reason for this poor little guy to go through surgery. You would think this is a happy ending for this stressed parents, but no.

CPS (Child Protection Services) are called in and have police remove this infant from his family.

Now normally when a hospital is involved in medical situations where they believe neglect is apparent they will call CPS to assist with getting the child back for medical reason. Now in this case it's one hospital against the other when it comes to medical necessity for this baby.

CPS is now refusing this couple access to their child and the family has now been thrown into a legal battle.

Now on a personal level I can understand if this baby was not getting the care he needed. I also understand that as a parent with a child who needs special medical care (my 2nd child has craniosynostosis) the hospitals also have to understand and respect my wishes when it comes to the care of my child. If even one mistake was  made during my daughters care, that hospital could kiss my ass because I would go elsewhere in a flash!

But I've also seen other parents and friends with children, who have been bullied by doctors for unnecessary medical treatments.

Between wanting to make money and knowing what's best for a child, sometimes these hospitals, and the insurance companies, are looking at the wrong numbers to make a judgement call. Those numbers aren't PB counts, it's the dollar signs.

It seems crazy, but this isn't the only time I've seen or had someone personally affected by these big medicine thugs. My 43 year old cousin was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost 9 years ago. She beat it, then developed lung cancer. She beat that one too. After being cancer free for 4 years, she's developed another form of caner which started again in her lungs. The doctors gave her every option they could and finally the cancer was becoming too much for chemo to stop and they recommended a bone marrow treatment. We submitted the claims to her insurance not once but twice! They denied her both times because under their coverage, they couldn't allow her to get the procedure because THEY could not justify the medical necessity. The insurance decided....not her doctors. But without the insurance approval, the procedure could not happen. Her cancer has now spread to her brain. She's now going through harsh radiation to see if they can kill the tumor developing in her brain and praying she makes it to 44.

Now how can this happen? How can we be letting these people gain so much power when they  shouldn't be allowed to make those decisions?

Now some actual good news (but not by much) for these parents though, the judge who resided over this court case gave medical care over to a completely different hospital which had now previous involvement and the parents are being ordered to follow what these physicians advise. However, the still have to get visitations from CPS.

Hopefully it makes them a little more cautious when it comes to the care of their son and .
they won't have to be stuck with CPS forever.

If anything, let this make you smarter and more cautious when you take a loved one into the hospital. Know your rights, research before just telling the doctors to do what they need to do. Also check out your insurance and see how much power you have with them. It might just be a matter of life or death.

Until next time guys and gals...